If You're Reading This
by musicispoetrywithpersonality
Summary: Based on the song "If You're Reading This" by Tim McGraw. Nick goes on one tour of duty to "get his dad off his back and make him proud". It was only supposed to be one, and then he would be back. Then Jeff's life fell apart. If you read, please review!


**_Okay, I'm sorry to those who already read this & reviewed, but for some reason it was saying I had 4 reviews but when I clicked on them it said no reviews. Stupid technology ;0 So if you did already read it, would you be so kind to review again so I actually see them? That would be great :D_**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Nif, or the song If You're Reading This by Tim McGraw.**_

**If You're Reading This**

December 16, 2013

That was the day Jeff Sterling's life fell apart. That was the day that all he wanted to do was… die.

XxXxXxXxX

Jeff and Nick had been talking about this for a year, since senior year at Dalton Academy. Nick didn't want to go as much as Jeff didn't want him to, but he kept telling him it would only be nine months. 36 weeks. Not even a year, one tour of duty. Just one. Nick said it would get his father off his back, make him proud, and after he got back, he and Jeff could start their lives together. They'd get their own little place, pursue the careers they always dreamed of, and maybe even have a family.

Jeff begged him not to go, and said that it wasn't fair that his father pushed him to do something he didn't want to do, especially when it was something like this. This was a matter of life or death.  
>Nick so desperately wanted to stay with Jeff, but he knew this was the right thing to do and in nine months, no matter how long or short, he would be back.<p>

Jeff's pleading continued until the second Nick got on the plane, though deep in his heart he knew it _was_ the right thing, no matter how much it hurt and how hard it was to accept it.

Nick would never forget the way Jeff looked at him before he boarded the plane. His usual bright and playful, sparkling hazel eyes were fighting back tears and were full of pain, fright, and pure dread. Jeff was an emotional one, but he refused to break down there.

"Hey," Nick said, bringing a hand underneath the blonde's chin. Jeff looked up to meet Nick's brown, heart-breaking gaze. "Smile. I'll be back, and I need to see that beautiful, infectious smile of yours."

Jeff smiled, but it by no means reached his eyes. Nick wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist, and Jeff's arms enveloped Nick in a tight embrace. They stood like this for a long time, but it didn't seem like long enough.

"I love you Nicky," Jeff whispered in Nick's ear. "You don't know how much I love you."

Nick held on to him even tighter than before. "Yes I do, and I love you just as much, if not more."

Then what only seemed like a fraction of a second, they heard someone calling that it was time to leave.

"Please be safe Nicky. Please," Jeff's voice cracked as he choked back tears.

"I'll be back, Jeffie." Nick promised, squeezing him one last time.

They pulled apart, and Nick had to wipe a tear from his eye. "This isn't goodbye." Nick swore. "I love you Jeffie."

"I love you too, Nick."

That night, Jeff had cried for six hours straight.

Finally, he realized he was being stupid and irrational. Nick _was _going to come back. He was sure of it. He was being strong for Jeff, and Jeff needed to be strong for Nick.

By the end of November, they were at the home stretch. Nick was scheduled to come home December 23rd, just in time for Christmas. Every single day Jeff got even more excited. Less than a month until he finally got to see the love of his life again.

XxXxXxXxX

_Ding dong_

Jeff's eyes traveled to the door from his place on the couch. "Coming!" he called.

He swiftly opened the door to see a woman holding a small envelope in her hands.

"Mr. Sterling?"

"Yes… that's me."

She handed him the letter, sadness filling her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

No. This couldn't be… no. No no no no no no.

He took the letter with shaky hands. The woman left, and Jeff shut the door.

Jeff knew what this was. But he refused to believe it.

_Mr. Sterling,_

_Nick Duval passed away this evening after taking a shot to the chest. He was pronounced dead…_

Jeff continued reading, even though nothing was making sense. All he saw was words. Words that made up sentences that he couldn't understand. His eyes kept traveling to that one word.

_Dead._

He couldn't believe it. He saw the words, knew what they meant, but the idea of it wasn't registering in his brain.  
>Nick. His Nick… <em>couldn't<em> be dead. No. He couldn't…

Jeff stared at the piece of paper, trying to make sense of any of it. He read it numerous times, until he was blinded by the flood of tears that streamed from his eyes.

"No!" he cried out. He dropped the letter and started pacing the floor. He ran his fingers threw his hair, and then threw them back down at his sides. He turned around and punched the wall, with more force than he meant to. Well, he wasn't really in a state of thinking right now. It wasn't enough to break his hand, but it hurt like hell, but compared to his broken heart, it was like he didn't even injure it. He leaned against the wall, slid down it until he was seated and rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.

"Why?" Jeff whispered, now letting every tear out. He sobbed, and spluttered, his whole body shook uncontrollably. This went on for some time, until he looked up at the letter that fell out of his hands, and noticed there was something else in the envelope.  
>He crawled across the floor to where it was, and found another note within the other letter.<p>

_**If you're reading this  
>My Mommas sittin' there<br>Looks like I only got a one way ticket over here  
>Sure wish I<br>Could give you one more kiss  
>And war was just a game we played when we were kids<strong>_

**_I'm laying down my gun_**  
><strong><em>I'm hanging up boots<em>**  
><strong><em>I'm up here with God and we're both watching over you<em>**

It was addressed to him, in Nick's beautiful cursive handwriting. He unfolded it, and began to read.

_Hey Jeffie._

_I know I promised you I'd be back. I didn't want you to worry about me. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect it to be like this. When I got over here… I was scared, Jeffie. I knew lots of people were dying over here, but I never really realized how many and how they died. They aren't just dying, they're killed. It's the living hell, Jeffie. I never should have come here; I should have listened to you. I never should have made a promise that I wasn't sure I could keep. Oh god Jeffie, I just wish I could give you one more kiss. War was just a game we played when we were kids…_

_**So lay me down  
>In that open field out on the edge of town<br>And know my soul  
>Is where my momma always prayed<br>That it would go**_

_As soon as we touched down, I knew I never should have come here. Jeffie, I never listen to you. I should have, but I didn't. I am so sorry, Jeffie. You don't know how sorry I am. I cried the first night we were here. I miss you so much. I was wrong, and I realized there was a big chance I'd never see you again._

_**And if you're reading this  
>I'm already home<strong>_

_That's why I'm writing this, Jeffie. I know you're smart and you've already figured that out. You're probably crying so hard right now you can barely read the words I'm writing._

_Jeffie, If you're reading this, I'm already home._

Nick knew him so well. Jeff felt hallow inside. Apart of him died with Nick.  
>That's why his heart hurt so much. Nick had his heart.<br>And now Nick was gone.

_**If you're reading this  
>Half way around the world<br>I won't be there  
>To see the birth of our little girl<br>I hope she looks like you  
>I hope she fight like me<br>Stands up for the innocent and the weak**_

_**I'm laying down my gun**_  
><em><strong>I'm hanging up boots<strong>_  
><em><strong>Tell dad I don't regret that I followed in his shoes<strong>_

_**So lay me down**_  
><em><strong>In that open field out on the edge of town<strong>_  
><em><strong>And know my soul<strong>_  
><em><strong>Is where my momma always prayed that it would go<strong>_  
><em><strong>And if you're reading this<strong>_  
><em><strong>I'm already home<strong>_

_**If you're reading this**_  
><em><strong>There's going to come a day<strong>_  
><em><strong>When you'll move on<strong>_  
><em><strong>And find someone else<strong>_  
><em><strong>And that's okay<strong>_

_Now listen to me Jeff. I love you so, so much, and I want you to be happy. Someday, Jeffie, you're going to find someone else and move on. You have to, you're young. And that's okay, because I'll always be with you, Jeffie. _

_**Just remember this  
>I'm in a better place<br>Where soldiers live in peace  
>And angels sing amazing grace<strong>_

_Jeff remember, I'm in a better place now, where soldiers live in peace and angels sing amazing grace._

_**So lay me down  
>In that open field out on the edge of town<br>And know my soul  
>Is where my Momma always prayed that it would go<br>And if you're reading this**_

_**If you're reading this**_

_**I'm already home**_

_Jeffie, I love you. So much. It hurts me, but I'll always be with you, Jeffie._

_Remember, always and forever, Agent Six._

_-Agent Three, Nicky… Jeff's Nick_

Jeff held the note to his chest, and hugged it tight. He cried for what may have been hours or days, weeks or months. Maybe even years.

But Nick wouldn't want him like this. Nick wanted him to be happy.

He would be strong. He would put a smile on his face, and take each day one step at a time.

Because he and Nick said Agents 3 and 6, always and forever,

And Jeff wasn't going to let Nick down.

XxXxXxXxX

**Okay, I almost cried writing this. It killed me. Don't hate me, please review :3**

**And I was trying to tell you to follow my tumblr if you like, but the stupid link won't save so, if you really want to, my url is on my profile :D**


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